End of the Season

I am a crier. Anyone who has played for me knows… I am a crier. I have NEVER once been brought to tears because of a loss. I feel if you prepare and give your best effort then you have done all you can. Someone has to lose. You walk away, hopefully learn something and come back and do it again another day. It doesn’t mean I like losing. It doesn’t mean I am not competitive. My favorite part about coaching, my addiction is the competition. I won’t allow myself the negative energy of crying about a loss. I am not judging anyone who does, but that just isn’t me. I do however cry about winning, about moments of pride that an individual or the team provides. It’s never easy saying goodbye at the end of the season to the seniors who will not be returning – that makes me cry too.

There are some things in coaching that seem unfair – the losses stay with you far more than you enjoy the wins. I can’t remember the last time I slept straight through a night during a season. Waking regularly, with a mind that won’t stop is the job’s curse. Regardless of how successful you deem your season to be there is usually only one champion. Every year there are young men that have meant something to me personally and to our program that you have to say goodbye to.

North Carolina coach, Roy Williams will never forget how this year’s National Championship ended. He will replay in his mind forever all the things that he wishes they may have done to avoid Villanova’s Kris Jenkins’ game winning three as time expired. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Coach Williams was quoted afterward as saying he felt inadequate. He looked completely devastated and defeated. He felt terrible for his kids. That is what stings more than anything. Your team is in a position to be remembered forever and accomplish something that is so rare. Not only do you not do it but you realize that some of your players will never have the chance to do it again. Just like that… the end of the season. You don’t get to “retire” on your terms. The final game is almost always a loss.

End of the Season = Full Emotion

When we lost our final game this year at the Nationals it was my turn to face the team and say goodbye to our group of seniors. We have been fortunate to have had a lot of success over the last five years. The guys leaving have all been a part of that success. Jeff Hunt, who won the most games in school history, was our last link to our National Championship five years ago – he was our seventh man as a freshman. He leaves us with two conference championships, a National Championship, two other trips to Nationals and two conference championship silver medals. He is the most decorated athlete in school history. How do you say goodbye to someone who has meant so much to the program and to my life…. you cry. OJ Watson, Pat Iavarone, Kojo Afari, Steven Dely and Jerome Gayle are also leaving. All mean so much. It is tough. I am happy and excited to follow them as they become husbands, fathers and successful members of the community. But for that day and that moment they face the stark reality that they may never play anything as competitive as what they just finished… with a loss. It is emotional. We cry not because we lost but because we are losing something very important to us. For me I am losing them. For them they are losing the competition, the day to day grind, the camaraderie that is team sport. All the life lessons that they learn through sport now get to be put into practice.

Now I move on and finish my club season with my daughter’s under-14 team. Next week is our Provincial Championships. Regardless of how it ends there is a very good chance that this will be the last time I coach those girls. We have been coaching them for four years. I am crying while I type this. The end of the season does that. I am proud of how much they have improved in four years. They won’t remember that part of it as they age. They won’t remember the wins and losses. They will remember how much fun they had together. Some of them will remain friends for life. Others will keep in touch as today’s age allows us to do with relative ease. I know I will cry again when I start hearing of them making their high school teams. That was our ultimate goal when we started; we wanted all of them to make their high school teams if they so desired.

Yes, I am a crier. I won’t apologize for that. As the great North Carolina State coach Jimmy Valvano said in his epic ESPY’s speech he gave while in the last months of his life, dying of cancer (video below). “To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think, you should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day, you do that seven days a week you’re going to have something special.” Amen!

(video courtesy of The V Foundation for Cancer Research)

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