Dealing with Difficult Players or Parents

I have to be one of the luckiest coaches in history. I have coached for over 20 years and can count on one hand the amount of confrontations I have had with parents about their kid’s playing time or role on the team. To be fair, outside of the four club years with my daughter’s teams I have strictly coached varsity boy’s high school or men’s college teams. Parents tend to let young adults deal with those issues on their own, but I also think there are little things you can do, as a coach, that will reduce those issues (more on that in a bit).

On the rare occasion I’ve had these discussions it is never fun and certainly not easy. Generally speaking, parents have tunnel vision; they only see what is best for their child. They also tend to have an over-inflated view of their child’s abilities. There is one constant that all coaches must understand… it will be your fault if their child doesn’t play more or have a larger role. Self-evaluation is difficult; it’s even harder when you are evaluating your own child.

Now that we understand most parents’ point of view, we are a little more equipped to handle, or better yet, limit these difficult conversations – regardless of playing time and role. I believe there are two pillars to effective leadership, communication and honesty. Both of these ideals will make your coaching life easier in the long run.

RELATED ARTICLE: The Basketball Coaching Roadmap – 7 Areas Where All Successful Coaches Shine

When dealing with difficult players or parents you must be honest; you can’t sugar coat things. It is imperative for team success that they understand your point of view and there can’t be any grey area. Do not promise anything you can’t deliver just to get out of an uncomfortable conversation. Never compromise the group for any one individual or parent.

I believe a lot of these situations can be avoided with constant communication with your players. The more you talk to your players the easier it is to see when they are unsatisfied. Do NOT avoid it. Ask them what’s up. Deal with it head on and remain honest (but don’t be a dick about it). They may not like your response but they will respect your approach. If you let it fester you may lose that player, or worse, that player will start talking to other players.

“…it will be your fault if their child doesn’t play more or have a larger role. Self-evaluation is difficult; it’s even harder when you are evaluating your own child.”

As I think about my days as a player in the context of this discussion, two stories jump out at me:

First, I remember playing a particularly difficult exhibition game. It was the kind of game the players looked at it as an exciting challenge to show how good we really were. It was also the kind of game our coach probably knew we were heavily outmatched on the road and stood little chance of putting up much of a fight. The coach made a very unusual change to our starting line-up that day. He started someone (we’ll call him Craig) in the back court with me that played very few minutes and usually played in defensive roles. We got killed that day and Craig was exposed as a mediocre defender and really struggled offensively against that level of competition. I was a captain and had a good relationship with the coach so after the game I asked him why the change was made. He told me Craig had been complaining about minutes and felt he was the best guard on the team and should be starting. The coach tried communication and honesty but he couldn’t get through to Craig so his last option was to show him. Sometimes honesty can be uncomfortable, but the film session later that week showed Craig why he was not ready yet. More importantly it gave him valuable information on what he needed to improve. After that game and film session I don’t remember Craig complaining around the team for the rest of the season.

The second story involves the same coach. We were playing a home game against a team we would have been favored to beat. I played a particularly poor game and found myself on the bench for the last five minutes of a close game. We eventually lost and this was my first experience on the bench during crunch time. I did not handle it well. I truly believed that if I had been out there we had a better chance to win. It angered me. Right after the post-game talk by our coach I followed him out of the locker room and told him what I thought. He tried communicating to me that he was doing what he felt would give us the best chance to win at that point. I didn’t like the answer so I called him at home that night to talk further. The next day before practice I confronted him again. Finally, we agreed to disagree (reluctantly on my part). It wasn’t until many years later when I had been coaching for a while when it hit me. He was saving me from myself. I didn’t deserve to be out there at the end of that game. I had already had my chance to affect the game and didn’t do a good job. He was doing what he felt was best for the team. I saw him a few years later and recalled the story. I am not sure he even remembered the incident but I reassured him that he was 100% right, and that I now understood.

Unfortunately communication and honesty aren’t always met with open arms. It is your job as the leader and coach to ensure that disagreement does not affect the team negatively. Communication lines must remain open. Sometimes it’s okay for players to openly disagree with you. Good leaders are not dictators; good leaders are open communicators, great listeners and honest people. Constant, honest communication will result in parents and players who understand your view and align with the team’s goals and direction.

On that note, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite coaching/dad moments…

My daughter floated between the 11th to the 8th player on our depth chart in the four years she played for me. I approached her one day to talk about her lack of playing time. She cut me off before I could get started…. “Dad, I know you are only doing what you feel is best for the team, it’s ok. I’ll keep working and see if I can move up”…. are you kidding me? My 12 year old daughter already understood what took me years to figure out. It made me cry.

5 Tips to Become a More Effective Coach

The best basketball coaches are as much psychologists as they are strategists or teachers of the game. I was fortunate over my time as a player to play for many good coaches. Although I played at both the University and College levels my favorite coach was someone who coached me at ages 10 and 11. His name is Ron Dawson.

From what I remember Coach Dawson was adequate at teaching the game but his real strength was connecting with his players. He had an expression he would use sometimes, “let’s play animal ball.” On paper it wasn’t a strategy that would be considered effective since it mostly resulted in everyone chasing the ball but we won a TON of tournaments. We didn’t win because we played ‘animal ball’, we won because he made us believe in him. He built relationships with all of us. I always felt important around him. I always felt I was better than I actually was. He would always yell “Who’s a Team?” to which we would respond “WE ARE!” To this day I use that same rallying cry with my teams. It is inscribed inside the band of our National Championship rings.

Coach Dawson was in the minority. When I grew up there seemed to be less worry about finding the right buttons to push to get the most out of someone. There was a common theme of dictatorship and the majority of coaches yelled at everyone within range. That was their one and only move. The players responded out of fear. There is still some of that today but a growing sector of the population would now consider that bullying (and rightfully so). Old school coaches usually counter that by saying today’s generation is soft. As in most discussions about topics that span generations the truth probably lies somewhere between the two extremes.

The reality is that everyone is different. The more you talk to someone and observe them, the more you understand them. Simple, right? As we’ll discuss in this article the process of gaining that understanding is critical for success. Your goal as a coach is to build a relationship with each player. The foundations of your relationships are based on how much you genuinely try to connect. If you truly care about your players it will show through. Relationships with players are strengthened with every question you ask about them as a person, not just a player.

A coach’s ability to challenge players becomes a huge piece in the team dynamic. How successful you are at it will have a dramatic impact in your team’s success. You need your players to respond to challenges with focus, a sense of responsibility to the team and a desire to overcome. What kind of response would you expect to this scenario? It’s the biggest moment of a game, you call timeout and look a player in the eyes and ask “we need you to stop your man on this possession, can you do that for us?” Yes, every player will accept that challenge, but there is a huge difference in how hard they try when they truly feel a sense of responsibility to more than themselves. If you have put in the time to build strong relationships and genuinely care for your players as people, you will get the result you desired more often than not.

I’d like to challenge all the coaches out there. Below is a list of five coaching tips to help you become more effective. Go to practice this week and use these tips. Help build relationships with your players and develop their trust in you as a coach and a person. That trust is required for your players to not only accept your challenges but to thrive while doing so. If you’re currently not using these tips you will love the new energy your team finds in the coming weeks.

“The foundations of your relationships are based on how much you genuinely try to connect. If you truly care about your players it will show through.”

ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS. Even when you know the answers, still ask the questions. You want players who are always on their toes, focused and engaged. You want them to think about the answer before you even ask. The activity of a player thinking about a response is much more memorable than you dictating the answer.

This goes for your players too. Encourage them to ask questions when they’re unsure – if one player has a question that usually means others have the same question. Players remember their peers’ questions more than they will remember you talking at them. Besides, the whole team benefits when everyone’s questions are answered.

YELL WITH A PURPOSE. Most coaches yell because they are angry about something. Channel that anger and focus on the message. Your job is to communicate that message in a manner that will be received with open ears. Yelling derogatory things at a player does not build upon that relationship. One quick tip: don’t correct in the moment, emotions are usually too raw, wait for a better, quieter time.

That being said, I also believe yelling can be a very effective tool. Be careful though, the more you reach for that tool the less receptive your players become. Limit yelling to four or five times a year. There is magic to infrequently raising your voice. One word of caution, do not EVER make it personal… EVER. Remember, whatever it was that upset you there is something to be learned from it. Find a way to make the yelling meaningful.

HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH EVERY PLAYER EVERY DAY. You don’t need to go into deep and time consuming conversations. What was your favorite class that you had today? Are you doing anything fun this weekend? It is your job to make time for these conversations. Have them while everyone is waiting for the practice before you to end, during warm-ups or cool down time. Every time you talk to a player one on one about something other than basketball you connect. It matters to them that the coach sees them as more than just a player.

RELATED ARTICLE: The Seven Areas All Successful Coaches Shine

YOUR GOAL IS TO GET PLAYERS BUYING IN BECAUSE THEY WANT TO. You will always have better results when someone does something they also believe in. Forcing a player to do something they don’t want to do or aren’t comfortable doing rarely works out well. Put your players in situations they can succeed in. While talking with your players you will learn more about their personalities, preferences and interests. This will make it much easier to understand which player will succeed in which situation.

Sometimes you won’t have a single player on your team that can succeed in a certain situation. Maybe you don’t have any shooters on your team. Don’t give up, find the hardest working player on your team, tell him/her you need a shooter real bad this year and you believe it could be them. That player may not become the shooter you need but you can bet they will work hard to impress you and improve a lot more than they would have otherwise.

FIND THE MAGIC BUTTON FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL. Some players respond well when yelled at. Some recoil. Some respond to being centered out and others will go into a shell. Some players only respond to positive reinforcement. That’s not for you to change. And it’s not the players’ role to adjust to your style. Part of your job description as the adult, the leader and the coach is to adapt to your surroundings. The previous four tips will lead you directly to the answers for this one. Not all players are created equal. Similarly, you can’t expect their personalities to be the same either. Learn about your players, find out what makes each person tic and vary your approach accordingly. Your team will overachieve on all levels.

Being a great coach doesn’t always require you to be the strongest at the X’s and O’s but ALL the great coaches find a way to connect!

A Painfully Long Season

Anyone that has coached for a significant amount of time has experienced a painfully long season. In the nine seasons I spent as the head coach of a varsity high school basketball team I was fortunate to have coached some very talented teams and players and was a part of some championship seasons. That success led me to where I have been for the past 12 seasons, head coach of the men’s basketball team at Mohawk College.

In my 21 seasons as a head coach I have experienced plenty of defeat and failure.

My first season as a high school head coach was more than forgettable; our record was 1-25. To make matters worse, I wasn’t even there the day we won our only game!

Few will remember the transition year between my first great team in season four and the next great team in season six (at least I hope not).

It’s difficult to be consistently strong at the high school level when you can’t recruit players. Success becomes a moving target. Championships, no matter how great the coach, are not always a realistic or accurate indicator of success. Most of the time success should be measured by your team and players’ improvement throughout the season, by the experiences they shared, by the relationships they formed, and yes, by the fun they had. If you cannot bring yourself to include those factors into the success equation you will not improve as a coach, your experiences will be tainted, your relationships will sour and coaching won’t be fun.

As I transitioned to the College level I expected to take three or four years to get my feet wet and understand the challenges of building my own program. I expected to struggle early and I could live with that as long as I believed my teams were getting better throughout season and I was also progressing and learning in my role.

From seasons two to season six we could beat the best teams in the country on any given night, and occasionally did, but we were not good enough to do it consistently. In season seven we broke through and won our National Championship. For four straight years after that we never left the National Top 10 rankings.

I bring all this up maybe as a means to protect myself from the memory of last year… From a record stand point it was a disaster. For the first time in eight seasons we missed the playoffs. We realized going into the season that it was going to be a challenge. We had a great back court but we lost our experienced front court players and depth all at once.

“After some serious self-reflection I came to a harsh but obvious conclusion… I was the biggest reason for our painfully long season. I failed as the captain of the ship.”

When your team fails and you’re the leader, perhaps the hardest thing to do is critically look back at your own performance.

Was I the reason we didn’t succeed?

Could I have done something differently to lessen the disappointment?

After some serious self-reflection I came to a harsh but obvious conclusion… I was the biggest reason for our painfully long season. I failed as the captain of the ship.

RELATED ARTICLE: Self Awareness, The Basketball Coaching Roadmap

We had really good kids; they were all fun to be around. As I alluded to earlier, our biggest challenge was overcoming our youth and inexperience. Nine of the thirteen players had not experienced any of our program’s success. Only the back court had played significant minutes in our biggest games.

When I look at that last paragraph, it seems obvious what I could have done differently.

I have always thought one of my strengths was my ability to adapt and design a plan to take advantage of our strengths in order to give us the absolute best chance for success. This team could really shoot the ball and we were never going to be a strong rebounding team. We felt we could pressure and get after teams in the full court. I had a plan in my mind. It might not be a championship caliber team but my glass is always half full. I believed we would get better and our game plan would put us in a position to beat anyone on any given night by the end of the year.

“I needed to take control early on. I needed to push them harder; show them how to compete every day. Show them the importance of hard work and the good that comes from it.”

What I didn’t adapt to was the personality of the group. I had become accustomed to the older, self-starting, player driven teams we had for the past five seasons. They were teams that needed me to design, develop and teach the strategy necessary to show us our best path but I didn’t have to push them to get there. They enjoyed the work, they embraced the process; a process that they learned from the previous group of players.

RELATED ARTICLE:Adaptability, The Basketball Coaching Roadmap

This group was different. They needed me to be the leader every day. I needed to take control early on. I needed to push them harder; show them how to compete every day. Show them the importance of hard work and the good that comes from it.

I sat back and let things happen even though I could feel we needed more. I let the team down. They didn’t get the experience they should have. We should have been a playoff team despite our perceived short comings.

Our strong recruiting class also struggled in the classroom which makes me feel as if I had let them down on and off the court. In short… I DID A TERRIBLE JOB!

It has taken 21 years as a head coach to realize that my job is to constantly evaluate what I am doing… during good seasons, mediocre ones and especially bad ones. ALWAYS look at yourself first. You have one thing the rest of the team does not… the ability to have the final say in the direction you want to head. Maybe you need to scrap what you’re doing mid-season. Maybe you have to remove a player with great talent who is stifling the group. You CAN’T stop trying different things when you are not satisfied with the direction you are headed. But the bottom line is YOU need to accept responsibility for what is happening.

I have accepted responsibility for painfully long season. I wish I had done so sooner. If I had we might have made the playoffs, we would have shared more positive experiences, had more time to form stronger relationships and definitely had more fun. I vow to learn from last season and work harder to make necessary adjustments sooner. I vow to provide better leadership to the next team!

Being a Coach’s Wife

Being a coach for a sports team – a really good coach – takes time and energy. We all know this. Beyond the obvious, successful coaches also have a few other things going for them: strong leadership skills, ability to delegate, a talent for teaching and, in my opinion, the most important thing; support at home.

Being a coach’s wife is not an easy task. Granted, it helps that I understand the game of basketball having played 100 years ago, but the concept of the game and being a former student athlete never prepared me for what it was going to be like being married to a head coach. People and athletes don’t truly think about the time it takes to be a coach. Really and truly think about that commitment. Sure, they know about practice nights and game days. Tournament weekends and some of the things behind the scenes. There might be texts and emails helping a player through a difficult situation and you know there will always be sleepless nights after a tough loss, but do people and players really know??  Do they ACTUALLY think about the spouse and kids this coach leaves behind night after night and season after season?

“I won’t lie there were really tough years. Over the course of a season and at several stages of Calley and Sydney’s lives Brian could always count on 3-4 meltdowns from me but I always picked myself up.”

I have been Brian Jonker’s wife for 20 years. We have two daughters, Calley, 18 and Sydney, 14. They have only known their dad as a coach. They have napped in the bleachers and thought that eating dinner in their car seats was something every kid did. Packing jammies and blankets for late night rides home after dad’s game was simply part of their childhood. All of that might have appeared to be inconsistent and irregular for little ones but it was the norm for them. It has not always been easy but we made it work. Here are a few things I have learned along the way:

• It takes loads of patience.
• It requires an ability to adapt.
• It tests you in ways you didn’t think were possible.
• It teaches you about independence and puts your personal strengths and weaknesses into play almost daily.

And all of this over the course of just ONE basketball season. Throw in teething babies, whining toddlers, dinner time, bath time and weekends he’s away. It’s fair to ask how marriages can survive ONE season much less years and years of them.

People wonder how Brian and I do it. More specifically, how I do it. My answer is always the same. I have never NOT known him as a coach. This is the way it’s always been. I knew it entering the marriage and knew it when we decided to have a family. His coaching was going to be part of our relationship and part of raising our girls. His commitment to coaching was there from the beginning. There was going to be time spent at a gym or with his team and that meant there was going to be time spent away from home. Yes, THAT part was always a struggle. But, coaching made him who he was. I won’t lie there were really tough years. Over the course of a season and at several stages of Calley and Sydney’s lives Brian could always count on 3-4 meltdowns from me but I always picked myself up. It was pointless to complain about his schedule. I just learned to deal with it and NOT hold any pity parties for myself the minute he walked out the door. I was left to man the operations at home and on occasion it felt as though I was a single parent. That feeling would inevitably bring on resentment, guilt and/or a certain bitterness tossed in Brian’s general direction. All in all I truly believe that MY ability to settle in to this routine and MY independence has made our marriage and relationship stronger. I also honestly believe it’s made me a better person and even better mother.

“It’s difficult for me to hold any grudges when I stand there watching him from the bleachers with such pride. His passion for the game and utter excitement reach every one of his players.”

I remember a conversation he wanted to have when he was offered the head coaching position at Mohawk College. This came after years of coaching at the high school level and achieving many accomplishments there. The difference was, at this stage Calley was 6 years old and running about and I was bouncing Sydney on my hip. I am sure for him approaching me about taking this job was like approaching a mama bear and her cubs. I felt as though I had already put in my time. It was a long night filled with heavy conversation but the right decision was made. In taking the position I watched him turn a struggling college program into a national champion and more importantly help “players” become students who went on to graduate. I see the way they listen to him, react to him and simply WANT to play for him. It’s difficult for me to hold any grudges when I stand there watching him from the bleachers with such pride. His passion for the game and utter excitement reach every one of his players. He creates a family atmosphere that his players never want to leave and it’s always so fun to be a part of. In my opinion that has made all the sacrifices over the years 100% worth it.

Related Article: ‘Being a Coach’s Daughter’

As Cal and Syd have gotten older, my being left with the tasks at home became easier and easier. The meltdowns were less frequent and have all together disappeared. The girls and I enjoy getting to know the players and at the beginning of every season we like to host a team dinner at our house. The guys have become more like family and even better, we’ve become friends. There are personal connections for both myself and the girls that were never there in the past. We are invested and genuinely excited for a season to start. Where I used to count the days until the season ended, I now almost hate to see it come to a close. Truth be told, the end of a season means the coach is home more and that in itself can be an adjustment for all of us!! Of course, there are always new challenges (our teenage daughters having activities of their own) but all in all, season after season, I find we hit a stride and seem to roll with it.  We now look forward to piling into the car and making those long trips so that we can share in game winning shots, moments of glory and national championships. All of us. Together.

As it turns out I am not just the coach’s wife – I am also a fan.

Basketball Fundraiser: Super Bowl Squares

6 Easy Steps To Create A Successful Basketball Fundraiser

The Super Bowl is fast approaching and there is no bigger sporting spectacle in North America. Let’s take advantage of the interest and hunger to win prizes and run a successful (and quick) basketball fundraiser.

Everyone’s basketball program could use extra money. We constantly get questions from coaches on the best fundraising ideas. I’m about to explain a great basketball fundraiser, Super Bowl Squares, that everyone will enjoy and best of all it doesn’t involve door to door sales or guilt-ridden pleas in a mass email.

The Super Bowl is on Sunday, February 11 so you have enough time to set this up and make it successful. You should be able to raise $1,000 with only a few emails and a bit of organization (this article will help you get organized). Follow this six step lesson to create a fun, interactive and successful fundraiser.

STEP 1: MAKE A 10 x 10 GRID.

Below is a grid that you will need to get yourself familiar with – don’t worry the following explanation will make it clear.

STEP 2: CHOOSE A VALUE FOR EACH SQUARE.

There are 100 available squares to purchase. You must decide a value for each square, I find it works best to make each square $20 (people can split one square or purchase multiple squares if they desire).

STEP 3: START SELLING THE SQUARES AND COLLECTING MONEY.

When a square is purchased the name of the person/people go in that square. Make sure you read the tip at the end of this article regarding payment deadline.

STEP 4: RANDOMLY ASSIGN NUMBERS (0 to 9) TO EACH ROW AND COLUMN.

Once all 100 squares are purchased you randomly assign (I choose them out of a hat with someone watching) a number from 0-9 for each of the horizontal and vertical yellow areas (rows and columns). Do not assign numbers until after the squares have been purchased. It needs to be like a lottery for this to be fair and to ensure people will want to purchase the last squares.

STEP 5:  DISTRIBUTE THE COMPLETED GRID.

Your Super Bowl Square is now complete. It’s best to let people know ahead of time when the final copy will be distributed (preferably the Friday before the Super Bowl) so they know it is a fair process.

STEP 6: WATCH THE GAME AND DETERMINE THE WINNERS.

Now to explain how winners are determined and how much of the $2,000 (100 squares at $20 each) your basketball program raises.

At the end of each Super Bowl quarter there is a winner; the score determines the winners. If the AFC team is winning 14-6 at the end of the first quarter then the winner is the person with the square AFC-4 and NFC-6 (see below image). An important note to make is that only the last number of the score is considered so if the AFC team has 4, 14, 24, 34, 44, 54, and so on, it means the AFC team has 4.

So if the score is 14-0 for the AFC team at the end of the half, the winning square is AFC-4 and NFC-0. Alice N is the halftime winner.

Each quarter has a new winner and for dramatic purposes it works best to split the winnings similar to this (assuming a $20 price per square):

First quarter: $100

Halftime: $200

Third quarter: $100

End of game: $600

That’s a total prize amount of $1,000 and your program keeps the remaining $1,000.

Some final thoughts:

If your squares fill up quickly feel free to start a second grid and double up on your fundraiser!

If you only get 85 squares filled up then you can fill in the remaining 15 squares with your basketball program’s name in them. If those squares win it is a bonus amount for your program – it also means you are not getting the full $2,000 for the fundraiser. Do not change the amount of the winnings after people have entered, they entered the contest assuming a certain pay-out. Changing that amount is not fair to them. With 85 entries at $20 each, you would have a total pool of $1,700. The winnings remain the same as above and your program keeps $700, unless one of the 15 remaining squares with your program end up winning, it is a bonus. So technically, your program could take home $1,700 – try explaining that one to everyone!

Coach’s Tip:

Do yourself a favor and enforce a payment deadline. There is nothing worse than chasing people for money when they know they have already lost. If payment is not received by that time your basketball program’s name goes in the square, unless you have a wait list or a quick replacement available.

To make it easier for you I’ve included a template of the grid, just click the button below to download it. All you have to do is add your program’s name in a couple of locations.

** If you’re having trouble downloading this file (sometimes iPhones can be stubborn), just send me a message and I’ll email it to you.

Best of luck!

Being A Coach’s Daughter

Whether you play sports or not, you have a coach in your life. Your coach can be a parent, grandparent, sibling, best friend, stranger or maybe even your dog who wants you to succeed in life. The coach in my life is humble, gracious and hard-working; the best qualities to have in a coach. The coach in my life is my Dad, Brian Jonker. My name is Calley Jonker, I am a coach’s daughter (among other things).

Dad’s life for the last 19 years has been centered on coaching basketball in Brantford and Hamilton, Ontario. That’s longer than I’ve been alive! His dedication is outstanding; he spends his day at work then drives off to Hamilton (35 minutes) for practices or a game at least four days a week. It’s the best of both worlds for him.

From Assumption College High School coach to Mohawk College and a national championship, his track record is quite impressive. What makes him an amazing coach is not the amount of victories he leads his players to but the relationships he develops with them.

Dad is best known for his coaching on the basketball court but his work on the baseball diamond should not go unnoticed. I am not the basketball player my little sister Sydney has grown up to be. I took an interest in softball. When I played House League in Brantford he coached my team for three seasons. This was my very first introduction to Dad, the coach.

I was 11 years old when he and my Mom coached the team and I thought it was the coolest experience ever. Both parents played in their youth and had a lot to offer me right away. My pitching improved as the years went on, I was hitting line drives that zoomed past fielders to the green and had a few home runs under my belt. My confidence was at an all-time high. Accomplishments like these don’t come naturally.

My mattress / umpire.

Both Sydney and I had extra work to do on nights we didn’t have ball; extra pitching in the garage, hitting off tees at the park and the classic front yard game of playing catch with the family. By the way, pitching in the garage involved pitching into an old mattress with a spray-painted target that gave us an idea of what the batter’s box would look like. Pretty creative idea, right?

For the past seven years Dad has coached me on the diamond as he would on the court; with heart and hustle (or is it hustle and heart?). Either way, he has made great contributions to my house league and rep teams, pushing each and every one of us to do our best and excel in the sport we’ve all grown to love. On top of his hard-working attitude, he teaches us to have fun along the way; after all, that is the number one rule in any sport.

“Dad’s coaching in my everyday life reminds me of why I have so much admiration and respect for him; he lives by his own rules every day, inspiring me to do the same with my own life.”

I’d like to get serious for a minute.

As a teenager trying to solve life’s problems, I occasionally bounce ideas off Dad. He can be a great sounding board even though his advice can annoy me (queue teenagers everywhere nodding their heads).

He will say the same three sayings to me in any given problem I find myself in. The number one rule, above anything else… DON’T PANIC. Unless you’re at the disco, am I right? No? Okay, I’ll show myself out now.

The second saying is to treat others the way you want to be treated. I know this is technically the golden rule, but this comes second for Dad.

His third most important rule to live by is to be safe, be responsible, and above all, be in charge of your own person.

As annoying as it can be to recite these quotes over and over to drill them into my head for all eternity, these three rules are great to live by. In any situation you never want to panic, otherwise you are just digging the hole you fell into much deeper than it needs to be. Treating people with the same amount of respect you want gives both of you an equal amount of appreciation for each other. Being in charge of your own person makes you more conscious of any stupid decisions you are about to make. Dad’s coaching in my everyday life reminds me of why I have so much admiration and respect for him; he lives by his own rules every day, inspiring me to do the same with my own life.

“I’ve become invested in a game I never thought would pique my interest and that’s all because of the amazing people Dad has taken under his wing.”

That concludes our life chat. Let’s talk about some individuals who deserve recognition for their amazing abilities to grab hold of the opportunities they have gained from Dad. Actually, let’s talk about three people who I believe will strive to do great things like my Dad. I have witnessed many basketball players over the years. Some were kind and ginormous boys who saw Dad as their biggest hero, while some were witty little girls who saw Dad as the Papa Bear of the family he has created. As I’ve grown older, I’ve become invested in a game I never thought would pique my interest and that’s all because of the amazing people Dad has taken under his wing.

Sydney and I.

The three individuals I want to give recognition are incredible players and people who will become fantastic leaders one day. The first player is someone whom has only been on the team for a year but plays as though he’s been here for four years. He’s one of the most talented players I have ever seen; not to mention cool, calm and collected in high and low moments of a game. Who knows, maybe he will take Kobe Bryant’s position on the LA Lakers. This player’s name is Kareem Collins, or the infamous KK. This is someone you must keep an eye out for this season, guaranteed.

Player number two (or should I say #23) is someone who recently finished his playing career, and similar to Kobe, played his last game to the best of his ability. Next to his 3-pointers and slam dunks, Jeff Hunt is the definition of good sportsmanship and he’s also funny, kind and humble. There really is nothing he can’t do.

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Finally, I had to save the best for last… my very own sister, Sydney. Syd is a basketball and softball enthusiast – she holds basketball nearest to her heart. I know that one day she will be Athlete of the Year on her High School team and become a basketball superstar like KK and Jeff. Even though I don’t get to watch her as much as I’d like, it makes me feel proud to hear her recaps of every basket, foul shot or three-pointer. She gets better every day and strives to become the best player she can be.

As the coach’s favorite daughter (obviously), I have been part of Dad’s hectic schedule for as long as I can remember. Despite having little contact with him throughout the season, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know he is doing something he loves so much, he’s coaching the game he has so much passion for and is an influential figure to dozens of young people every season. I support everything he does for his and Sydney’s team because no matter what he is the Coach of a Lifetime in my heart.

End of the Season

I am a crier. Anyone who has played for me knows… I am a crier. I have NEVER once been brought to tears because of a loss. I feel if you prepare and give your best effort then you have done all you can. Someone has to lose. You walk away, hopefully learn something and come back and do it again another day. It doesn’t mean I like losing. It doesn’t mean I am not competitive. My favorite part about coaching, my addiction is the competition. I won’t allow myself the negative energy of crying about a loss. I am not judging anyone who does, but that just isn’t me. I do however cry about winning, about moments of pride that an individual or the team provides. It’s never easy saying goodbye at the end of the season to the seniors who will not be returning – that makes me cry too.

There are some things in coaching that seem unfair – the losses stay with you far more than you enjoy the wins. I can’t remember the last time I slept straight through a night during a season. Waking regularly, with a mind that won’t stop is the job’s curse. Regardless of how successful you deem your season to be there is usually only one champion. Every year there are young men that have meant something to me personally and to our program that you have to say goodbye to.

North Carolina coach, Roy Williams will never forget how this year’s National Championship ended. He will replay in his mind forever all the things that he wishes they may have done to avoid Villanova’s Kris Jenkins’ game winning three as time expired. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. Coach Williams was quoted afterward as saying he felt inadequate. He looked completely devastated and defeated. He felt terrible for his kids. That is what stings more than anything. Your team is in a position to be remembered forever and accomplish something that is so rare. Not only do you not do it but you realize that some of your players will never have the chance to do it again. Just like that… the end of the season. You don’t get to “retire” on your terms. The final game is almost always a loss.

End of the Season = Full Emotion

When we lost our final game this year at the Nationals it was my turn to face the team and say goodbye to our group of seniors. We have been fortunate to have had a lot of success over the last five years. The guys leaving have all been a part of that success. Jeff Hunt, who won the most games in school history, was our last link to our National Championship five years ago – he was our seventh man as a freshman. He leaves us with two conference championships, a National Championship, two other trips to Nationals and two conference championship silver medals. He is the most decorated athlete in school history. How do you say goodbye to someone who has meant so much to the program and to my life…. you cry. OJ Watson, Pat Iavarone, Kojo Afari, Steven Dely and Jerome Gayle are also leaving. All mean so much. It is tough. I am happy and excited to follow them as they become husbands, fathers and successful members of the community. But for that day and that moment they face the stark reality that they may never play anything as competitive as what they just finished… with a loss. It is emotional. We cry not because we lost but because we are losing something very important to us. For me I am losing them. For them they are losing the competition, the day to day grind, the camaraderie that is team sport. All the life lessons that they learn through sport now get to be put into practice.

Now I move on and finish my club season with my daughter’s under-14 team. Next week is our Provincial Championships. Regardless of how it ends there is a very good chance that this will be the last time I coach those girls. We have been coaching them for four years. I am crying while I type this. The end of the season does that. I am proud of how much they have improved in four years. They won’t remember that part of it as they age. They won’t remember the wins and losses. They will remember how much fun they had together. Some of them will remain friends for life. Others will keep in touch as today’s age allows us to do with relative ease. I know I will cry again when I start hearing of them making their high school teams. That was our ultimate goal when we started; we wanted all of them to make their high school teams if they so desired.

Yes, I am a crier. I won’t apologize for that. As the great North Carolina State coach Jimmy Valvano said in his epic ESPY’s speech he gave while in the last months of his life, dying of cancer (video below). “To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think, you should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day, you do that seven days a week you’re going to have something special.” Amen!

(video courtesy of The V Foundation for Cancer Research)